I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
