I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
