From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
