I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
