it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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