I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize