Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
