3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize