I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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