first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
