I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
