I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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