running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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