omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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