I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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