im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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