So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
