so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
