My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
