Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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