i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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