I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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