he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
