what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
