Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
