I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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