Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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