i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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