Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
