this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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