Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
