yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
