And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
