I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
