Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
