yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
