i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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