I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
