Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
