I think I am morally bankrupt
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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