I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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