Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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