Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
