A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I believe in your delicious
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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