they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
