Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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