I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
