That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
