It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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