Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
