u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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