I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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