I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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