I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh god it's open bar.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
