My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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