i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
