if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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