I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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