you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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