By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
