she woke up with a sticky ear
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize