You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
