oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
