AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
