so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
