She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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