you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
