somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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