My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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