How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
