we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
