he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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