I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
