I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize