I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
