I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
